Rememberance
by UtterlyInsane
Summary: Raven's emotions have gone AWOL. How is the only child of the eigth demon supposed to get them back when she can't feel without destroying everthing in sight?
1. Chapter One

DISCLAIMER: I, unfortunately do not own the Teen Titans. And as such, I am earning no benefits (e.g. money) from writing this, and the only satisfaction I retain from this endeavor, is the slight internal pleasure from expressing my views on the shows and what my imagination can create when in the throws of musical expressionism. In other words, I don't own the characters, or the music, and if you try to sue me, you're most likely to get my bus ticket and prescription glasses. So, good luck.

Chapter One

Raven sat in her room. The curtains were closed, and the only light in the room was from the flickering hallway light that shone under her door. Downstairs, she could hear Beast Boy and Cyborg once again battling each other in another pointless video game. Starfire was concocting another horrible and most likely toxic pudding of some ungodly holiday or celebration of some kind of futile emotion. And Robin… Robin was in the gym. Like always. Once again pounding relentlessly at the punching bag, or loading and reloading another practice simulation. His return would have that effect on him. Useless. Just like everything else.

Slade. The name still sent shivers down her spine. Knowing that he was still out there. That Terra's sacrifice was wasted, that it was all her fault. That it was her father. Her father. Trigon. Her past that she had tried to run from. To hide from for so many years. But now she knew that it was all futile. That her mother's sacrifice, was in vain. That the training that Azar had given her for so many years was useless. That Trigon still had servants in this dimension, even though she was still resisting him, even though Rage was still chained in her mind. All that she had sacrificed was completely and utterly useless. All her life. All the wasted hours meditating, and keeping herself perfectly balanced everyday for as long as she could remember, not showing emotion, not laughing or crying or screaming or _feeling_. All of it. Wasted.

Raven walked over to her dresser and opened a drawer. She pulled out her meditation mirror and the bag which she kept the hair which she cut after Slade had forced her to see what would happen when the prophecy was fulfilled. She remembered the blood red skies, the looks of horror forever engraved on the stone forms of her friends. Her birthmarks that burnt through her leotard and her hair that grew long in that impossibly short time. A painful reminder of what she was. And what she was to become. Cutting off her hair, was only a temporary was to still the questions she knew were relentlessly running through her friend's minds

Of course she couldn't tell them. How do you tell your friends that your father was the most powerful demon lord of your dimension and that you were his daughter? After all, being the granddaughter of Satan himself and since Daddy dearest was restricted to her home dimension, and as she was the only spawn of Satan in this particular dimension, she was, in effect, the antichrist. Oh yeah. That would go down well. She could just imagine it.

"_Hey guys, I have something to tell you. Well, you know the Bible stories and stuff, yeah, well, about that. You know that bit about the antichrist? Well, that's actually my Dad, but since he can only get into this dimension through me I'm the technical antichrist until I let Dad in. Oh, and Slade? Dad brought him back from the dead so he'd made me unleash Trigon sooner. That's why he wants me and not Robin. Sorry for not telling you sooner, but at least now you know that if I get mad, I'll start the apocalypse and end the world as you know it"_

Yeah. That would really work.

Of course, now that Slade was Trigon's avatar in the mortal world giving the nice little side benefits of immortality and control of fire via his nice death in the lava. And not only that, Slade also got control over Hellfire as a bonus. So not only can Slade give them third degree burns, but he can also burn and scar mortal souls. Joy.

Thinking about mortal soul's, her thoughts wandered back to her friends. She couldn't let them any closer to her anymore. They were already too close. Beast Boy and Cyborg, thanks to their little joy ride through her mind knew too much about her. Starfire knew how her powers worked thanks to the Puppet Master, and Robin, well, apart from the fact that Robin was trained by Batman, and that she had unfrozen him from the time stasis, and their little mind meld, and not to mention that thanks to him, there was a new white and gold silhouette running around in Nevermore. She had to distance herself from them. There really was on other way.

Steeling herself for the inevitable barrage of questions that fly at her as soon as she went down for her tea, she walked over to her door and fastened her cloak around her shoulders. Opening her door and padding silently down into the main room and glanced at the television and the two cars that were portrayed on the screen. As she watched, a car swerved and ran off the road in a brilliant blaze of computerized flame. Beast Boy visibly drooped and immediately stared demanding a rematch. As he stood up to yell at Cyborg again, he caught sight of Raven moving into the kitchen.

"Woah, dude. Raven. You're alive. What have you been doing in your room? You know, it's been like two days since you've been out. What 'cha been up to?"

Not bothering to respond, Raven moved around Beast Boy and after filling up the kettle with water, turned it on and got out her black mug and tea bag. Waiting for the water to boil, she turned to Beast Boy and calmly replied,

"Yes. Meditating. I know. Avoiding this type of situation"

Picking up the still whistling kettle, Raven poured the water into her mug. Dipping her teabag in the mug a few times, she walked over to the bin and dumped her teabag. Then, ignoring the shell-shocked expressions on Cyborg and Beast Boy's faces, she turned and walked silently back to the sanctuary of her room.

No sooner had she made herself comfortable on her bed, she heard a pair of steel toed boots stomping up the hallway to her door. Sighing in resignation, she lifted a black encased hand and waved it in the general direction of the door, revealing a shocked Robin with a raised hand about to knock.

"Are you coming in, or are you going to stand there all day?" Raven asked in her usual monotone.

Still shocked, Robin lowered his hand, and walked into Raven's room. A room where people were forbidden to even contemplate entering. He felt like he was defiling some holy temple or mosque. Moving to stand over by her desk, he stood perfectly still, giving no outward signs to his nervousness. As the moment dragged on, Robin finally broke the tense silence.

"Raven, what happened the other night? I know that you don't want the others to know, but I can feel that something is wrong. You're keeping something from us. From me. We're your friends Raven, and we'll always be here for you. No matter what. And I know that you're not ready to talk about it now, but when you are, I'll be here. Not as your leader. But as your friend."

Robin, without letting Raven speak, turned and quickly left her room, the door softly swishing shut.

Raven, still sitting on her bed, placed her cold mug of tea on her bedside table and looked at her hands. As she watched, red glowing marks appeared once more on her palms.

As she looked up at her mirror, the merest glimpse of the future that Slade had showed her flickered across her vision. Looking back down at her glowing palms, a single tear escaped her eye and slid unnoticed down her face to drop on her bedspread.

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me  
Off guard, red handed  
Now I'm far from lonely  
Asleep I still see you lying next to me  
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I..

I need something else  
Would someone please just give me  
Hit me, knock me out  
And let me go back to sleep  
I can laugh  
All I want inside I still am empty  
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I...

I'll be just fine  
Pretending I'm not  
I'm far from lonely  
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine  
Pretending I'm not  
I'm far from lonely  
And it's all that I've got

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me  
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat  
I squoze so hard  
I stopped your heart from beating  
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I..

I'll be just fine  
Pretending I'm not  
I'm far from lonely  
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine  
Pretending I'm not  
I'm far from lonely  
And it's all that I've got  
And it's all that I've got  
Yeah, it's all that I've got  
It's all that I've got  
It's all that I've got  
It's all that I've got!

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me  
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me

I'll be just fine  
Pretending I'm not  
I'm far from lonely  
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine  
Pretending I'm not  
I'm far from lonely  
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got  
Yeah, it's all that I've got

'All That I've Got'

The Used.

Like it? Hate it? I know, it has potential to be a one shot or a multi-chapter thing. If I get enough reviews asking to continue, I'll write some more chapters maybe. 'All That I've Got' was the inspiration for this fic. Awesome film clip to the song as well. Review and tell me what you think.

Until next time…


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

DISCLAIMER: Once again, I proclaim to the world, that I do not own the Teen Titans in any way shape or form. My work is merely an attempt to imitate to art that has been created by DC Comics, and then drawn by the wonderful animation artists at Warner Brothers. In other words, I don't own it!

(HAVEN'T QUITE FIGURED OUT THE PAGE BREAKS, SO USE YOUR IMAGINATION, OKAY?)

IMAGINE A PAGE BREAK HERE

Three weeks. Three whole weeks since she'd spoken to him. Five hundred and twelve hours, thirty six minutes and fifty one seconds if you really wanted to be precise. Was he counting? No, of course not. After all, who in their right minds would count how long it had been since a team mate had spoken to him? Not him, nope, not him, and why should he care, when he had Starfire and Cyborg and Beast Boy to occupy his thoughts with. After all, who wouldn't be suitably entertained with their antics and who the hell was he kidding?

Robin stopped punching his titanium reinforced punching bag. Walking over to the simulation computer, he started one of the hardest Slade confrontation programs. As he walked into the centre of the room and prepared himself for the hologram of Slade, a small part of his mind noticed that there was blood dripping from his hands onto the ground. Realizing that he hadn't even noticed that he had cut pen his knuckles while thinking about Raven while punishing his punching bag, Robin quickly focused his attention on the hologram of Slade that has appeared flying out of nowhere towards his head.

IMAGINE A NICE PAGE BREAK HERE, OKAY?

Raven sat up. As her hair waved in the breeze that blew in through her broken window, she carefully controlled her rebelling emotions, ruthlessly crushing the panic and fear she felt in her mind. Gazing at the wasteland that her room had become in the past two hours while she was asleep, she took some deep breaths and chanted in her head a few times.

Waving her hand in the direction of the window, she watched as the shards glowed black and flew back to their proper places in the window frame. As the cracks in the glass faded out and the glass melded back into a complete whole once more, Raven gazed at the ruined wasteland that had once been her room. Breathing deeply, and chanting in her head, Raven concentrated on her broken possessions. Moving with the power of her soul-self, the flew back to their proper positions on her shelves, their broken parts flew together, mending themselves as they settled once more into their well worn shelves.

Surveying her room once more and feeling satisfied that everything was properly fixed and in its place, Raven extricated herself from her tangled sheets. Lifting her hand to move her hair out of her face, she noticed that her arm was bleeding from a couple of horizontal cuts near her wrist. Curiously examining her wounds, she concluded that her window shards had cut her while her powers had run rampant while she slept.

Cursing the glass in her mind, Raven quickly covered her bleeding arm with her cloak and arranging the folds so she was suitably hidden, stepped outside of her room, walking purposefully towards the bathroom.

Padding silently down the hall, Raven sighted Starfire hovering around the junction between herself and the bathroom. Exhaling in frustration, Raven concentrated. With a flash, the apparition of her soulself appeared. Spreading its ebony wings, Raven teleported inside the common room bathroom. Quickly thanking Azar that it was unoccupied, Raven strode over to the bathroom door and locked it before anyone noticed that she was out of her room.

Turning her attention to the medicine cabinet over the sink and opening it, Raven wasted no time in removing the small brown bottle of hydrogen peroxide and a medium sized bandage. Twisting off the top of the bottle, Raven poured the antiseptic over her arm. As it bobbled and pink tinged froth foamed at her cuts, Raven absently noticed that it didn't hurt, that she couldn't even feel the pain that should have been associated with the chemical. Rinsing her arm, she wrapped the bandages tightly around her arm. Replacing the black encased bottle back to the cabinet, Raven arranged her sleeves and cloak so her arm was sufficiently covered. Turing and unlocking the door, she walked out and straight into a warm body.

(Should I leave it there? No, I wrote too much for me to leave it there)

A gloved hand shot out and caught her arm. As her sleeve shifted, she looked up into an expressionless white mask.

"Are you okay?" Robin asked as he placed his hands on her shoulders, as if he needed to reassure himself that she was indeed, there in front of him.

_Hmmm, am I okay?_ Raven thought. _Have I slept for more than twelve hours since my birthday? No. Can I stop the visions of the future that I'm destined to create? No. Do I know how to stop my father from entering this dimension and starting the apocalypse? No. Can I get into my mirror so I can subdue my emotions? No. Have I been able to effectively meditate for the past three weeks? No. Have I been able to get my powers under control? No. Do I know what this feeling is concerning you? No. Am I okay? Am I OKAY?_

"I'm fine Robin. Thanks for catching me" Raven replied.

"Raven," Robin started, "I know something's wrong. I mean, look-"

To prove his point, Robin grabbed her arm again and pulled her sleeve up to reveal the 'skin toned' bandage that clashed horrible with her grey skin.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Robin skeptically asked. "You've barely spoken to any of us since your birthday three weeks ago, and you only come out of your room when we're needed by the city. What's wrong with you?"

"What? Not good enough for you? Am I screwing up the team dynamics? Can't be an efficient team without bonding or some other kind of platitude or something?" Raven replied with a hit of anger in her voice. "Want me to put on a happy face? Act like nothing ever happened? Pretend that Slade never happened? Act like everything is normal? Just like everyone else is trying to?"

"No, I want you to talk to me- to someone. Anyone. Something happened to you Raven, and the other can tell that something is up. As much as you'd like to believe, they're not that dense. I know that whatever you're keeping from us is eating you inside, and unless you tell one of us, I- we can't help you"

"And what would that accomplish? Oh Boy Wonder?" Raven asked. "You can't help me. None of you can. And I refuse to get any of you involved in this. It's MY problem, and I will deal with it"

"Raven, we're a team. A team YOU helped to create. What ever it is, we'll help you"

"No," Raven said as her eyes started to faintly glow red, "You don't understand. What I have to do-"

"We don't understand because you won't LET us understand." Robin interrupted, ignoring the warning signs. "Why won't you let us in? Just once? Dammit Raven, we're your friends, and we won't let you face this alone"

Raven snapped. "**No**," she screamed. As her cloak grew to impossible proportions, her eyes glinted an evil blood red. **"Foolish mortal."** Raven boomed. As the walls shook around her and various crashing noises sounded from around the tower. **"You have NO IDEA what is about to happen. HE is coming, and his power is incomprehensible. **

As Robin opened his mouth to try to reason with her, Raven continued before he could interrupt. "**You all try to get me to 'open up' and to be like you, but you have no idea of what could happen if I ever did that. The slightest hint of emotion could draw his attention to this pitiful world and my lack of control, my _emotion_ would be the one thing he needs to break through the dimensional barrier. I have spent my entire LIFE working to prevent this. If he breaks through, he will unleash terrors that your nightmares fear, and there is NOTHING you can do to help me. No one **can help me…" Raven trailed off as she returned to her normal size and her eyes returned to their normal purple colour.

As a look of abject horror appeared on her face as she realized the implications of the information she had just revealed to Robin, she turned and with a flash of black, teleported to her room just as the rest of the titans ran around he corner.

Reaching the sanctum of her room, Raven made her way quickly to her mirror. Chanting her words, she fell into her mindscape. Looking around the barren landscape that represented her mind, she walked along the rocky path and entered the gateway to Happy's domain. It was gone.

Where clear blur skies and green grass should have been, there was just endless black skies slashed with red streaks, just like the rest of Nevermore. Continuing, Raven walked further down the path and passed through the areas where Bravery, Rude, Laziness and Sadness should have been. It was all the same. The forbidden road looked exactly like the rest of her mind.

Spotting Wisdom ahead, Raven walked towards her and asked,

"Where is everyone?"

"Gone. I am one of the last left." Wisdom replied.

IMAGINE YET ANOTHER NICE PAGE BREAK HERE, OKAY?

Author's note: Okay, Sorry it took me so long. I meant to write, more, but my inspiration sort of… disappeared. I didn't mean to end it here, but I couldn't think of anything else to write at the current moment. And it seemed to be a good place to stop. If this is similar to anyone else's story, I'm sorry. Email me, and tell me, because I don't mean to. Other stories inspire me too. Please read and review, I know that we haven't got into the Rob/Rae, but it's getting there. Never fear.

The button's just there, press it, and tell me what you think.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three:

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Teen Titans in any way shape or form. If I did, then Raven would already be in a steady relationship with Robin, and we would have constant season three and four episodes in Australia. Based on the lack of the existence of these events, I believe it is reasonable to draw the conclusion that I do not own the Teen Titans.

On with the show eh?

"What do you mean, 'they're gone,'" Raven said, "How can they all be gone? Emotions don't just disappear, and certainly not mine."

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Raven realized that by all rights, she should be worried or anxious, but she didn't. Realizing this, Raven missed the start of Wisdom's explanation.

"… you got angry, you gave Rage more power. She manifested into Trigon once more, but this time, she traveled to the other domains, and destroyed most of the others. Only a few of us are left now."

Raven blinked. "So you're telling me, that when I got mad at Robin, Rage killed of most of my emotions. And now, I only have you, Rage and a few others left. Okay then. Who is left, and why would she do this?" Raven asked.

"Actually," Wisdom replied, "Rage's attack was not altogether a surprise. Yes, her sudden freedom was a shock, but it was not just Robin. Frustration, before she was destroyed, was getting restless. We both know that you haven't been meditating half as much as you should have been, and this was the result. Rage was also getting restless. As you were also more out of control in regards to your handling of all of us, and since you were more resentful towards us because we could not be controlled, Rage's attack on us was not stopped, as you subconsciously wanted it. If you call the remaining emotions, you'll see only the ones which you weren't frustrated with are still here.

Nodding her head in understanding, Raven closed her eyes. Breathing deeply, she concentrated while chanting in her head. Unseen by her, her cloak started to flutter, as a couple of indistinct shapes started to become clearer. As Raven opened her eyes, the yellow cloaked Wisdom was joined by the grey cloaked Timid, and the brown cloaked Frustration. Looking around, Raven looked at the remaining emotions. "Is this it?" She asked.

"Yes," Wisdom said. "If you're wondering about Timid, Rage didn't bother with destroying her, as he thought that it was a waste of time, as Timid was too… well, timid to do anything."

"And by leaving me with an emotion that weakened me, it would be easier to destroy me later." Raven remarked.

"Yes. And now that he also has an avatar in the real world, he isn't going to hold back for much longer. He has severely weakened you by doing this. He is getting impatient, and as much as I hate to say this, you do need a way to get the back somehow. And quickly. Every day that you lack all of us, you are vulnerable. It really is vital that you find a way to get them back."

"And how am I meant to do that?" Raven asked in what should have been in a sarcastic tone. "So, you're telling me I need feel Happy, Brave, Rudeness, Excitement, Contentment and the other emotions that aren't strong enough to manifest themselves physically in what? A week? And I have to honestly feel them in order for this to work. Not to mention that when I do feel them, I'll be feeling actual emotions that will make my powers go haywire and that will lead to giving Rage another opportunity to go on another nice little rampage. Not to mention that for some reason, my powers aren't working properly, and I can't heal myself. Oh yeah. Sound like an absolute fantastic plan."

As Raven finished, Wisdom looked over Raven's shoulder, and pointed to a mass that seemed to be taking shape. As the mist solidified into a definite outline of a misty orange cloak, Wisdom explained.

"See, Rudeness is already taking shape. As you feel more of us, they will take form, and gradually solidify into their old forms. As an unfortunate side effect though, you will feel the particular emotion more until it is fully formed. However, we will help. I'll make a few aspects of Frustration and Timid combine to create Apathy to help handle the fluctuations in your emotions. We'll hide in Timid's maze so Rage won't find us while you go and experience a few feelings. She never goes in there because she has no patience for it. Also, Apathy should be able to counter a few of the more severe emotional backlashes after an aspect is fully formed. And your healing power? You need Contentment, Happy and Compassion for your ability to heal to return. But for self healing, you need Love. Even a semblance of Love. And before you go start, the previous Love was formed from your earliest memories of Arella, but now, you need more. You need actual _relationship_ love now. It will be hard, but we will be here to support and help you, so don't give up. However, we will need to feel Futility at some point in the future, just preferably not now."

Satisfied with Wisdom's explanation, Raven turned to address the other two and the orange mist.

"Since you seem to have everything in order here, I should get back and hang around Beast Boy or Cyborg or someone. I'll be back tomorrow to hopefully re-evaluate this… situation."

With her cloak dramatically billowing behind her, Raven turned and stalked towards the Forbidden Door.

ONCE AGAIN. I ASK YOU TO PLEASE IMAGINE A PAGE BREAK HERE+

Reappearing in her room, Raven looked around. Seeing that no one was there and that the majority of her possessions were still unbroken, she maneuvered her way to the door through the shards of her still unfixed statue. Opening her door with a barely audible whoosh, Raven stepped into the hallway once more. Walking towards the common room once more, she could hear the cries of Beast Boy and Cyborg as they played against each other yet again.

As she entered the room, Cyborg managed to unglue his eyes from the screen and spotted her as she walked in. Pausing the game, he nudged Beast Boy, and not so subtly, glanced between him and Raven who was making her way to the kitchen.

"Hey Raven," Cyborg called in her direction, not really expecting a reply.

Hearing her name, Raven stopped and breathed in. _Remember what Wisdom said_. She thought to herself. _Feel…_

"Hello Cyborg," Raven curtly replied. "How are you today?"

"……"

"What?" Raven asked, raising a slender eyebrow in confusion. "Do I have something on me?" As she said this, Raven anxiously looked down at her clothes, looking for any sign of bandages or bloodstains.

_Meanwhile…_

Back in Nevermore, two misty Raven-shaped forms appeared and started to solidify as the other aspects watched.

_Back in the real world…_

Having finally found his tongue, Cyborg managed to stutter out a shocked, "Raven"

"Cyborg," Raven replied. Calm once more. "Since we now know that I am indeed Raven and you are Cyborg, and as you seen to have naught to say to me, bar my name, I would like your help."

"_Wisdom!" _Raven mentally hissed. _"What do you think you're doing? You made me ask for _help_?" _

"_Calm down,"_ Wisdom soothed, _"If we don't tell someone, Shame will never come back, and when he helps you, we can get Companionship, and even possibly Happy to solidify. Also, while you've been around him, Rudeness has completely appeared and Contentment is making an appearance."_

"_Fine,"_ grumbled Raven, _"But this doesn't mean I have to like this at all._"

"Cyborg, I need you to come down to the garage for a minute with me, okay? I need to talk to you about a couple of… issues that I need to work out." Having said that, even if it was not of her own volition, Raven turned and made her way to the elevator.

Left alone with Beast Boy in the common room once more, Cyborg turned to Beast Boy, whose face mirrored the confusion that Cyborg felt at that very moment.

"Dude! Did she just?" Beast Boy asked, with a very shocked expression on his face.

"Yeah… I think she did…" Cyborg trailed off, as he realized the implications of her request.

As the two males sat there and looked at each other, the game beeped and made noises, as Beast Boy it the pause button again without realizing it. As their characters were consumed by flames and a large 'GAME OVER' appeared on the television, the two continued to stare at one another.

A plate suddenly came to life in the kitchen as it was covered in black energy. As it gratified the uncontrollable powers of the psion who currently waited in the garage, the plate hurled itself into the wall.

Startled out of their shocked reflections, Cyborg leapt to his feet and scrambled hastily o the elevator doors, painfully aware of how long it had been since Raven had left the common room. Leaving Beast Boy to shriek of how they had 'died' in the game, and how it was 'so unfair' that the game had unpaused.

Reaching the elevator, and pressing the button that would take him to the garage floor, Cyborg thought for a minute of what would ask Raven ask him for help. Feeling the wave of protectiveness that he experienced every time he thought of the possibility that someone had hurt 'his' little sister, Cyborg started to work himself in to a justified anger and prepared himself to get ready to hunt down anyone who had _dared_ to hurt Raven. How he would track them down with a ruthlessness that would make Robin's Slade obsession look like a fleeting past-time, how when he was done with whoever had hurt her, would rue the day he had ever laid eyes on…

And Cyborg's train of thought died a quick and relatively painless death as he walked in on one of the strangest sights he had ever seen in his garage.

Raven. Waxing the T- car. In a pair of overalls and a cape.

Cyborg fainted.

IMAGINE ANOTHER PAGE BREAK PLEASE!

AUTHORS NOTE:

Sorry for taking so long. This came out of nowhere. Not even a song to help the imagination. I'm not good at Beast Boy, and I shudder in advance to what my Starfire and Robin are going to be like. Thanks for all the support so far, and please review. I'm open to suggestions as well. I'm also looking for a beta if anyone could help.

Until next time…

RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:

Jordanals: Raven isn't healing herself for a reason. Read over this chapter again and that should provide you with you answer.

Reggie Tuesday: I know. Thanks for the support. I wrote this one with a sliver of an idea, so apologies if it's not up to scratch.

Shadow290: Thanks for the support.


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